Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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