I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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