Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
