somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
