He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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