i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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