dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
