So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
