he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
