so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
