Apparently you make a good broom.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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