my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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