During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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