Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
