Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
