I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
