life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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