Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
