I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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