Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
