it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
