her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
