Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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