why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
