he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
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I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm bleeding and have questions
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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