Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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