found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
whose ass print is on the piano?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
