I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
