I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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