Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm both gender and math confused
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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