Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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