im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
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