Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
