i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
