You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
