so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
