i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
