I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Randomize
