can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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