I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
