he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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