meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
