my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
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He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
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There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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