IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
