I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
