piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize