Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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