I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
