I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I want to be your penis for a week.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
