I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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