is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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