I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
