break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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