Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
she peed on how many people?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I can't turn off my feet"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
