My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
did i walk over a car last night?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
