Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
