The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
