Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
