You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
