2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
