Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize