'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
