I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
