This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
