Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
