I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
