Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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