mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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