From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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