some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
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Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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